SION! EMPATHY! COACHING YOUR CLIENTS! ! HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

In order to be able to assist others  to find their “voice” to find “themselves” to find their “purpose” in their own journey you first must have a heart to want to understand. There must first be a passionate desire to see others reach their full potential , otherwise, when it gets tough and you are so frustrated because you can’t find answers you will cease to be of help to your client. .  If there is no desire or passion to assist, you have allowed your water jug to run dry….. you  must know and understand you won’t be able to squeeze blood out of a turnip, as my mom used to say.  Might as well work at your local bank, or sell insurance.

First you have to believe you have been called to deliver a message of hope, life and called to make a difference….then you have to figure out, first and number one…..how to “not fix” your client, but guide them into their own journey that would allow them to walk through open doors as they come face to face with the lies they have been telling themselves.  Along the way they will have their own “epiphonys” as you work to solve the “riddles” of what might look like only an existence to you but feel like, to them, their life of security and contentment.

I am learning through these day to day experiences along my own journey, if I become comfortable, there just might be something wrong.  Why? Living to make a difference, means we must grow. How we grow is through facing our fears and trials and shortcomings. I mean “really” facing them.   Growth is uncomfortable, sometimes puts us on edge, and brings out mostly the worst in us.  It can be embarrassing, humiliating, scary, and bring fear and doubt as to whether there is something seriously wrong with you.  I think that’s why it is so important to have a belief system in place that will keep you steady as you help yourself (as I had to search for my own) and your client discover the strong life-force that is within them.  It not only is to be able to heal their own life, but the lives of their families and every soul possible, that is willing to look at their situation through eyes of discernment, courage, and determination and any obstacle they might encounter throughout this amazing earth-suit journey.

Serve to bring clarity and hope

Most coaches spend years trying to learn this.  We see it in part, and then try to implement in and invariably will find ourselves back in a pattern of wanting to make another us, or to fix something that seems so obvious to us.  Also, remember that you have a desire to assist and see progress so you are all about getting things right and making things work.  In doing so you can fall prey to having a desire to be perfect and “get it right.”  It is not about your perfection, remember, it is about Christ in you the hope of glory and your client’s inability to see that at this time.  So, just wait on the Lord and ask for a direction that might be helpful for this client.  We are again called to be salt and light and the light we bring to them may not look right to us or them at the time, but if you really hear from God and it’s rejected, then you have done all you can.  Hopefully, they will find someone that they feel more comfortable with and because you prayed for them and were sincere, this next person they meet might hit the nail on the head, so to speak for them and they will find themselves in a better place. So don’t get stuck, just move in the kindness and compassion of the Lord….It will play out.  On the other hand, they just might discover what you told them is true, but it may take some time.  Give them space, love them, appreciate them and be kind and patient. First and foremost, “listen!”   In the quietness of the moment…..that’s when you get your own epiphany. The old adage really is true, “Silence is Golden.”
Here are a few guidelines: 
  1. They have come to us for answers for THEIR lives. Let’s not make it about ourselves:   we can easily draw up offers from our own perspective, based on our experience, level of understanding and what has worked for us. You must draw a whole new blueprint for your client or you can be guilty of carving out a narcissistic plan for their lives. 
  2. Our passion versus their problem: we can easily prioritize the fulfillment of our passion over the solution of our customer’s problem
  3. We forget that to love AND serve is to solve problems: we overemphasize “our” purpose or calling by focusing on what WE are called to do while forgetting that as image bearers of the God who is Love, we are called to express that love in practical demonstrations of service and problems solved (among other things)
The reason WHY we fall prey to these traps, is that we don’t have a clear or trustworthy blueprint, a  road map, if you please, a template for offering a new and creative way of presenting information to them that is specifically designed for their own lives. Especially one that allows us to create and position offers that are consistent with Father’s heart, his purposes and of course, our calling.
Proverbs 29:18, “without redemptive revelation from Him, we cast off restraint and perish.”  We MUST hear from HOLY SPIRIT. 
So, what we really need is a divine blueprint that shows us exactly HOW TO create an offer to our client that will be practical and life-changing.  As I have gone through my own journey I’ve discovered many coaches give me the same blueprint to follow as the next one.  We are all so very different.  We cannot expect another’s life road map to work for another individual. If we offer each individual life up to the Father and ask for HIS understanding and His insight, asking for His understanding, He truly answers. It is His desire to “give us the kindom.” 

Consider Jesus’ response to a need in Luke 5:1-11…

This is related in two parts:
  1. Jesus approaches Simon the fisherman and fixes his practical, real-life problem of NO FOOD Jesus offers a solution.  He had toiled all night, “yet caught nothing.”  I’m sure Peter was feeling pretty useless and feeling like trying to make a living was an exercise in futility. 
  2. Then, Jesus speaks to Simon’s deeper needs:  Spiritual hunger and a higher calling and purpose, a significance by inviting the fisherman to become fisher of men. All of a sudden, Peter discovers what has really been lacking in his life all along.  It was spiritual food. He leaves his boat and follows, not looking back.  Jesus obviously knew which men he was to choose.  It is clear that most of his followers were uneducated and kinda rough around the edges.  Matthew was the tax collector and Luke a doctor.  He only chose those who were willing to give up analyzing, leaning on their own understanding and the system. How are you gathering your information? Is it from other coaches, or is it directly from Holy Spirit?  You have the answer for not only your client, but also for your own growth if you “stop, look and listen.” 
HOW TO APPLY THIS PRINCIPLE IN YOUR OFFER CREATION
  1. SPEAK TO THE PRACTICAL PROBLEM FIRST:  let your first engagement with your client or audience be guided by the frustration and failure of the result they have already been trying to get in their practical, daily lives. Keep it simple and offer them the simplest but most effective solution you can to that problem. Remember KISS! 
  2.  This is not about you but THEM 
  3. OPEN THE DOOR TO MORE OF WHAT GOD MIGHT BE SPEAKING TO THEM:  Your counseling and desire to allow the client to open up into a place they have never been before is priceless.  God wants you to invite your specifically assigned target audience into more. Ask God to show you the journey the person in front of you needs to take.   So prayer for the other person is the secret for their success.  They think it is your counsel, but in reality it is the choice you have made to release your knowledge to the Lord and receive His understanding for the client. ….and of course your prayers for your sessions and them.  It is amazing how this works to benefit both parties.  The counselor learns things they have never seen or understood before and the client sees their error within their thinking patterns.  The deeper you allow yourself  go in prayer the deeper their needs will be met in a very real way.  God will give you a sort of “blue for Love in each situation with each client. 

I’d like to reiterate this thought again:

YOUR AIM IS TO, ABOVE ALL, LOVE:   If love isn’t your aim, then to be of service, you must do some serious soul searching within your own soul, heart and mind and spirit.  Love covers a multitude of sin.  When Jesus looks at them as if in Christ, he “sees no stain upon them.”  When you look at your client you have to believe and see them as the finished work of what Calvary has done…and in all their fears, laziness, misgivings, lying to themselves as well as you, you will bring many sons to glory…….if you are patient and do not grow weary in well-doing.  It is important you remember this is not about you or you can become frustrated because you wanted to make better progress.  It isn’t about you making progress…it is about how long it might take them to get to a certain point…..you cannot determine that point, but you will see the results. I have a mentor that always encourages me to think higher:

            “If you take the longer road, yes it will take longer, but love takes the longer road and will reap far deeper insight for the other person if you are patient and endure their resistance and fears. Trying to fix someone so you can move into your own agenda, results in short-lived relationships and they do not learn to trust you which is paramount to being a great counselor and coach.

NEXT, YOU ARE THERE TO  SERVE;  A servant is not above his master, so if you realize you have a teacher, then you too, can teach them to also be a servant.  It is by your servant hood toward them, your caring and empathy (ability to identify with pain and the ache in their heart, even though you may have never experienced the depth of pain they have experienced. 

INTEGRITY:  Then you want to make sure you don’t come off as a “know-it-all.”  Your willingness to say, “I don’t know” when you really are struggling to find an answer to help them will serve as an amazing tool to instill in them a desire to be honest with you and will cause them to honor and respect you as their counselor.  A person who always has an answer, you can be assured is hiding behind some kind of insecurity they they themselves have not dealt with.

THEN LET’S NOT FORGET HONOR:  I looked up Webster’s definition:   Honor: great respect;  to regard or treat (someone) with admiration: to regard, to defer to another person. I use this word, meaning in a sense to let go of your judgment or your initial reaction or opinion  and then ask questions instead of “stating the obvious”  Again you are not there to fix, but to heal. There is a big difference and if they sense dishonor, which is a “fix-it’ mode, they probably won’t be back.  They might not be ready to hear those words, but if you can ask them question so that they can come to a conclusion themselves, helping them to reach their destination themselves, you have changed their lives.  You tell them “what’ to do and it does not have life-changing results. This is critical. 

 

  • Respect Your Clients. This is the key to getting your client to trust you. …
  • Get Personal, (we have been told quite the opposite),   If a relationship is strictly business, trust won’t come naturally. …
  • Admit Mistakes and Correct them with integrity.  We are all human and all humans make mistakes. …
  • Surprise Them. …
  • Listen first, respond later
  • A study done by SDL discovered that it statistically, took 2 years to bring a client to truly trust their therapist. Since you only spend an hour a week, it takes a while.  However, it is necessary to establish trust early on in order for them to continue in therapy.

The whole reason for your service to them is to serve your Heavenly Father…..to further your own journey.  If you keep all this in mind, you will bring “many sons to Glory”  This is your highest and most excellent calling.  As the scriptures teach, “Strive to enter the narrow gate, for broad is the road and wide is the way that leads to destruction.”

A “narrow” gate?

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