WHO ARE THE “CALLED?”
THE ANSWER TO THAT IS EASY: EVERYONE!
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE YOU HANGING ON BY A THREAD?
I was having a very difficult time with myself this last week. My faithful Toyota, it seemed in two months time, my car was not save to drive. So many things went wrong, it was almost unbelievable….could all that happened, have happened to a car so fast? I guess so. It sounded like the CV joint was going bad, (I had been told the oil leak had ruined the CV boot, so my mind went to the worse case scenario), it started leaking oil pouring it out from the timing belt cover and already had a leak from the valve cover gasket. Then to top that off, the fuse box under the dash got too hot and melted wires together. So there is a short and then my muffler lost a bolt from underneath and began to sound like a hot rod. I thought about what I should do …..call the junk yard and give up on my favorite car or what. I couldn’t give up on it yet. …or was it time to let go. My friend said he would look at it and then he disappeared for 10 days so I didn’t know what to think. I decided to order the fuse box to replace and thought we would just wire it up. After I did a lot of research, every place I looked or asked, my response was “get rid of that car.” So I thought, well, motor still sounds really well, so I put some Lucas oil in the motor and thought that would hold the leak for a while to get me by while I could save some money for another car for about 2 months. So next thing happened, I decided to buy out the store of greens and lemons and limes for smoothies and my highly healthy green diet. …that might hold me for a while. Coming home 30 minutes away, I heard a noise from the front passenger tire and something left my car scraping the underneath side of the car and the front started feeling unstable. Prayed to make it home and I certainly did.
The next few days I toyed with what I should do, not wanting to chance driving the vehicle. I tried to call my insurance towing service and could not get through. They couldn’t even decide if I was who I was. The system would not confirm my information. I spent better part of hour and half trying to reach an agent. I found myself in a fury. What I thought! I can’t even get confirmed with my bank account or insurance I’ve had since I was almost a teenager? Every time I call, they remind me how long I’ve been a member making me feel like I’m ancient. I remind myself I haven’t done anything that long……..except maybe eating or eliminating. LOL! Sorry! That is the only thing I could think of that I’ve done longer than being a member at my insurance and banking company.
I have had something wrong with my skin and was so much better and was really elated that my health was improving. I began to look for another vehicle and everywhere I thought I had a possible vehicle…..I could find no one to give me a ride to go buy it. It was always seemingly, too far away. I thought I’d buy their gas, if I could find someone to take me, but asking for a ride an hour away around here is like going to visit New York or Charlotte. I love it around here, really. We are just in the sticks. It is always too far to drive. We are so used to having everything close at hand, only driving a few miles to the grocery or hardware store and bank. We could get spoiled living out in the country, easily. I spent so much time finding vehicles and then losing them, I neglected to take care of myself and low and behold my skin broke out again. I’m sure the stress didn’t help I put myself under. I was so disappointed. I began to be so stressed about not having a running vehicle, had forgotten to pray about this whole matter and leave things in God’s hands, so I was looking for a car at every chance I had instead of just look casually, when I was prompted by Holy Spirit Had I done that, things would have turned out way different. Thank you Lord, for your forgiveness for my lack of trust, getting anxious.
Next thing I realized was my friend who said he would work on my car was no where to be found. He didn’t respond to texts or phone calls. So now what was I to think, since he said he would be by the very next day to pick up a pork loin I had purchased for him, for which I had no room in my fridge or my freezer. I ended up making room in my freezer by getting rid of something. Funny, but nothing, I mean nothing was going right. I didn’t hear anything from him for 2 weeks. It was uncanny. I then decided he was probably not going to assist with my car repair; it was probably something I had done that he was ticked at me about. LOL! Seemed lately, I can’t do anything right. So I chose to get my car towed to a place that was a bit too far away, for comfort, but was assured he was a great mechanic and it would cost a lot less if I had him work on it instead of the dealership where I had taken it a couple of weeks before. Even the lady at the grocery store after getting a lift from a friend, turned to talk to another to whisper about me, as was pretty normal. I can’t imagine how I rub her the wrong way, but I guess we have to talk about someone who seems less fortunate than we are to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. REALLY? Am I imagining this or is this real? Gee! Doesn’t matter. We can imagine these things happening to us or the enemy can actually put this in motion. Our only response, should be: “Thank you Lord, for your goodness and that I’m accepted in your Kingdom and bless this lady who may be unable to receive love and assurance that she too is accepted…..as she is.
I do much better when I take thoughts captive instead of hiding behind a wall of disappointment or a feeling of rejection. Rejection is from Satan and so is abandonment. If you have been rejected or abandoned from a child, chances are you will imagine all kinds of things going on around you when all you have to do is “stand against the evil and insidious thoughts” and actions of the world and laugh at the enemy inside.” Why? Because you are so loved and just exactly like you should be at this time in your life. Rest assured you will get where you need to be, but as you walk out your journey, let God take you there…….for sure, don’t try to be something you aren’t. That is what makes people pull away or push you away. Be who you are….sometimes that’s difficult because we really don’t know who we are, sometimes. Even if we do, we find ourselves “under the influence.” I mean devilish encounters. Your life is “hidden with Christ in God” and satan is for sure set on reminding how inept you really are. You won’t find out, however unless you are willing to be vulnerable and open. Then you find the self you were intended to be. Check out Brene’ Brown on TedX talks or YouTube. She is amazing.
Then I hear from an old “friend” and he begins to tell me what kind of personality I have and since “I have two ears I might ought to be able to listen to him instead of telling him I didn’t want to receive” his opinion of my personality traits that me put me in a box….. He is always reminding me how I’m an Campaigner personality. I can’t imagine how that could be me, but it isn’t like he just reminds me. I get to hear the whole reason behind his findings again and again. Bless his heart, I didn’t have time, nor did I want to hear someone’s opinion of my shortcomings or traits. I just needed to hear front he Lord as to what I needed to do with this situation. It took two texts. blowing up my phone each time, to tell me, basically how uninformed I was and how I couldn’t hold a candle to how much he knew, even though he was more than 20 years my junior. He did say I was more spiritual than most he had encountered, but I had no idea what I was talking about in this particular department. That’s Okay, I prayed and asked God for grace and mercy to flow through me because I didn’t know what else to do. I really love the guy and he needs a friend. I chose not to finish reading his text…..but then at the end I noticed he put 3 hearts afterwards to let me know he really cared. Sigh! What was he trying to say and why would he put hearts at the end? Did he think that the hearts would make up for the hurtful way he informed me I was missing a few bricks? So then, I asked the Lord to bless him and asked God to give me mercy toward him because he really does mean well. So nothing is going right and I can’t believe I’m in this crazy fit of frustration in a merry-go-round and do not know how to get off. So I cry! Ever felt better after crying? Sometimes, but mostly it just makes it deeper inside my soul. What does help, however is to ask God to bless the other person and to please let them know what they need to know to make them feel accepted in your presence. The reason we are unkind and are hurtful to one another is obvious. We are hurt. As the saying goes: “Hurt people, Hurt People.” Be healed through prayer and believing that Christ truly died for all your sorrow, all your pain all your weakness instead of just believing for a “walk-down-the-isle- experience of accepting a great Savior into your heart without understanding he paid the penalty for everything that happens to you. You are born again, the bible teaches us. “Old things have past away and all things have become new.” So let’s get rid of the “OLD!” How? It goes away as we learn to trust in His love and power and watching Him ‘within our heart’ confirming the feeling of His presence, that He is …..THERE” and “He is, and is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.” Choose Life that you may live” Deuteronomy teaches us. Choose! Yes, Choose! Make a decision to kick out the old thoughts and replace them with what God says about you. What does HE say? Isaiah 53 says it all: Our sorrows, our pain, our weaknesses, our sickness, our infirmities, our sin, every curse has been removed and we are unconditionally loved with an everlasting love.
So up to now, nothing was going right. I mean nothing! I became so frustrated and anxious I got mad at the automated system and started telling “her” that I was ecstatic that she was helping me on the line and how absolutely brilliant she was. I’m kidding of course, but it does sound better than what I actually felt like saying. Anyway, I realized I had an issue. Do all things really work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose? Am I in my purpose? GEE! Well, Obviously I don’t feel like I am. I wish I could snap my fingers and make things work right. Ha! I’m not Samantha of Bewitched and I sure don’t want to be found to be manipulating things…..so, decided I’d just wait and learn to trust. Gee this is hard! Or is it just that I haven’t learned how to truly believe that this journey today really was something I needed to experience, because it brought out all my fears, my wrong expectations and all my frustrations in life? God knows and it is obvious to me that this was a trial and I seem to have flunked, but what do I know, if all things really do work together for my good.
I stopped and had a long talk with myself. You are angry, lady for other reasons beside what you feel toward this situation. The anger and frustration isn’t toward these people and you know it, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I asked the Father to show me what in the world was wrong with my situation and my insides. Would you please show me why I’m so angry at everything that is going on? I can’t seem to figure anything out at all. Where is this anger coming from? The Lord showed me that from a very early age I have lived with narcissistic people and even had 4 relationships with narcissists……some were sociopath, narcissistic men and even women. This I already knew, but what I didn’t know is that I was tired of others walking all over me and telling me …..as I heard in our household many times growing up: “You were behind the door when the brains were being passed out.” There were other name calling episodes of which my favorite was “stupid.” and many outbursts of anger…..to cause me to want to hide under the table or in my room. So I took to hiding ….most of the time.
I grew up hiding. I hid because I didn’t know how to deal with the drama, the yelling or the name calling. When I became a teenager, I continued to hide. The way I hid was behind a full head of extremely long brown heir and always brushed it in my face rather than back. I felt ugly and unwanted. I was abandoned at 3 years old, so I felt, I found myself in a stark mint green room with a lot of other young children, a burn ward laying in a hospital bed for 9 months because my mother and dad were occupied with honestly, hard to say this looking back on things, saving a buck or two and didn’t want to hire a baby sitter to keep me and my 6 year old sister. But who hired babysitters back then? I’ve hired babysitters and they didn’t take have my children’s best interests at heart, or care for my children like expected, even Christian ones. You never know what you are inviting into your home. My sister saved my life by pouring glasses of water on my burning clothes and wrapped me in a blanket and called my mother’s work place. We owned a restaurant at the time and mom was “THE” cook. I was taken to John Sealy Hospital in Houston Texas and there stayed for 9 months flat on my stomach. I was told, mostly by older sisters, my mother was there all the time, but I do not remember her being there, ever. I do remember being alone at night and nurses getting angry from me having to go pee and they didn’t want to deal with my issue. I ended up wetting the bed and boy did I hear it. What happened? I grew up in a very dysfunctional family with an angry father and disheveled mother. Yet in reality I knew they loved me. I knew they cared as best they could, they just didn’t know how to care….the right way. They were both, themselves, raised in dysfunctional families. We mimic what we know and don’t understand. The pain we carry from one generation to another is frightening. It’s only when we take steps back from the carnage, that we can find a reason to be positive when we see how the difficulty has caused us to be more empathetic and caring over someone else that has not been through half the trauma or difficulty.
Hmmm? Maybe all things do work together for our “best.” It may not seem like that at the time, but I know that I have something inside me that is different from some people. It is only the grace of God that I made it through my “Holocaust.” What has your trauma caused you to come through and learn from? If you take a minute and look at the positive side of things rather than embrace bitterness and continue pointing fingers or “blaming” others, you will grow and flourish. It is the plants in the garden that become stressed that make it.
“The Caprai Montefalco Sagrantino Collepiano [in Umbria, Italy] is not only rich and powerful, it also has one of the highest procyanidine contents I’ve ever found.” Marco Caprai explained, “With over 5 milligrams per liter of polyphenolics, Sagrantino seems to be the richest kind of grape in the world for tannins. This plays a very important role if we want to talk about the benefits of drinking a glass of red wine daily. Many studies have uncovered a cause for red wine’s effects. They focused on its phenolic constituents, particularly resveratrol and the flavonoids. As it turns out, Sagrantino, with its thick skin, is one of the richest grapes in resveratrol.” – Roger Corder
“Cornell researcher and Professor Emeritus, Leroy Creasy, discovered that Pinot Noir grapes, grown in cool, rainy places had to fight off fungus and bacteria. The vine stress from this disease pressure is identified as a key factor in the vine’s production of high levels of resveratrol. The vines produce this antioxidant as a protective measure for the grapes. These cool climate Pinot Noirs exist in Burgundy, Oregon, and the Sonoma Coast of California”
God has said, “All things work together for good to those that are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Really God? All these things are working for my good? I sure hope I get it soon.
I became a burn victim at 3, I say “victim” because I was made to feel I was different consistently by a family member……then mentally and emotionally abused by my parents,(however well meaning they were, and they wanted us to do well) Mom lived vicariously though us kids by buying us beautiful clothes from the Wards catalog. Bless her heart! She thought she was doing well. At 20 I married a man that I had grown very fond of as I had never seen a person reach out to so many people and try to serve like he did. He became my hero! He had been a pastor and was from a respected family who raised cattle and hogs. He died in a plain crash when I was 26. We had some marital issues during the 6 years we were together, who doesn’t. However, God renewed our relationship during the last year of our marriage and we fell head over heels….crazy about one another again…….couldn’t stand to be apart…..Now that was fun! . God did that! He was a great daddy and loved his boys and my daughter was the apple of his eye. I remember his face lighting up when he first saw her. She was such a cutie. As he was taking off her little socks, I noted, look at his bare feet, that she had inherited his perfectly formed toes. Not at all like mine. If family works, it is a wonderful experience. It takes a lot of work and a lot of guts to be really honest and naked before your mate. Most of us pretend we are a pretty good person and think we are handling things the way they should go. In fact, the reality is, the wife is unfulfilled and the husband feels enormously disrespected. Until the Body of Christ learns to lay down our lives for one another, including inside the marriage relationship, we are of “men most miserable.” Life, the abundant life Jesus talked about……you know? The reason he came! “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.” It doesn’t happen.
I remarried at 32, hoping to find a good father for my children, an older man who might love my children “as his own.” A friend years earlier had sent me a letter after my husband had passed away and shared that a “Boaz” would come into my life and “he would love my children as his own.” Well, I guess I miscued. He was so deeply hurt and abandoned by his own parents and felt so alone growing up, he never really learned to love himself, much less anyone else. But honestly, who does? We are all short a few bricks and he was no exception. I did not support him in his insecurities either. I found fault with how he treated my children instead of going to the Lord to release pent-up anger and frustration as I desperately wanted a father for my kids. Unfortunately, that became an idol within my own life and it caused great hurt in his own heart. I regret many things that I did and did not do for him, as he needed much more than I was able to give. I, being much younger, had not learned lessons from situations and scenarios, I would yet encounter. No matter, Holy Spirit could have given me the understanding and insight, had I been willing to go to Him and ask, but I was too angry with him and judgmental to be able to humble myself. Instead I found fault and eventually, he ended leaving the family 11 years later. He left me with an unfinished home, no money to finish it, so it became useless….and then I had no way of earning a living so I could finish it, as I had not engaged in any kind of working habits or job skills for over 20 years……almost penniless since I had not worked for so long……. I was in a pickle. So, basically, the home we were building I could not sell for what I had hoped for when we started the project as it was not finished. I ended up selling it for pennies on the $ to a couple that thought they got a bargain, but talked me down as I was kinda desperate to take a load off my plate. My children were not so excited about my “exit” but in my mind, I had no choice. It was way too stressful for me to think about finishing it since the money I had put aside to finish it was taken out of my bank account by a power of attorney I had given him years earlier to work on my home. Next thing I knew, I had no funds to pay the workers to come complete what had been started. I had not choice but to sell under market value. I could not even think straight. Still I look back. God how in the world is this suppose to work out for my good? I’m still waiting at this point. Struggling to get through life, day by day.
I wandered around aimlessly at a loss for years not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and why all this happened. I became bitter and hardhearted (I had no idea I was bitter) but I knew something was wrong because my relationship with my heavenly Father grew cold. I no longer enjoyed reading the bible unless it was to judge someone else. I felt awful inside.
I was pretty lost for there was much to let go of. My pride, my teaching, right or wrong….my ego, all my insecurities and the way I looked at life. I thought, by this time the world owed me something. I learned I was wrong about that, too. I was the one that owed!
I’ve been called to the light. All the things I just told you have nothing to do with anything, except to bring me into a state of humility and brokenness. That’s the kind of vessel God uses: A broken one. So this is the good? Surely, God there is something better than this?
As I have sought God over my mistakes and shortcomings, they are all forgiven and washed away because of the sacrifice of Christ at the cross. However, we do reap what we sow. I’m working still on my relationships with my children, praying daily for their blessing and success In Christ Jesus. Nothing matters in the end, except when we stand before God and he says, regardless of how you lived your life, in the end did you repent, were you faithful after you saw your mistakes; did you go back, repent and ask forgiveness for things you did and said that were hurtful or wrong. If you took something, did you repay? All these things are very necessary for restoration to the Father’s heart. I was so enlightened when I lost my hubby and became so caught up in the reality of who Jesus was and how he could truly become my husband. I sought consistently, day after day the heart of the Lord. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely! Did I learn? I sure hope so! Yet, I found I repeated some of the same things in my second marriage that happened in my first. So, what am I suppose to learn here Lord? He is saying to me now. It isn’t in the learning, but in the walking it out! Yes you learn things, but in a moment these “learned” things can be taken. It is only through the Holy Spirit as you become an empty vessel, humble and fit for the Master’s use can you truly live this “abundant” life. There is nothing more “wonderful” than having the “Wonderful Counselor” speaking inside you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Nothing! This is where the lessons lie. Are you broken enough to release all your fears and failures, to stop deciding your own destiny and asking God what it is He wants for your life? Are you searching for significance when the answers lie in allowing thie trials of this life to break your heart, learning to love others in spite of their shortcomings…..saying to the Father, I don’t know, “please lead me.” If we find these words on our lips 24/7, we will have found the secret to living the abundant life. It is only in and through HIM that this happens. All other “learning” is of morality or seeking approval or worldly successes, even though you have convinced yourself you are “only doing this for the Lord.” Unless it is the Holy Spirit moving through you, you might want to check yourself and see if you are “in the faith.”
Walking in faith is simply a relinquishment of all rights, all hopes, all desire for success and allowing life to “happen” contingent of course, that you have prayed beforehand and given the situation of your day, your week and your monthly expectations all over to God. Then, He works those miracles. Wow! And Work HE does!
After all that, I decided, as I have about a mate. “God if you want me to have a vehicle, I’m going to quit looking …..I’m going to put it all in your hands. If that vehicle is out there so I don’t have to be stranded at my home, I’ll just believe that you will bring my car right to my doorstep. Next thing I know, I get a call from my friend. “Barb, I have this van, do you want to borrow it?” I am so amazed at His faithfulness. “Sure, I said, that’d be great.” Well I have a friend that will pick me up in a bit and I’ll bring it over and park it so you can use it. It had no tags, so I had to plate it, but that was a small price to pay for using a vehicle for a while that was not mine.
What a blessing! Every need has always been met in my life, if I would wait and trust…..every one!!! His promises are thus: “I shall supply all your need according to my riches in glory by Christ Jesus!” SMILE !
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God doesn’t throw away the clay HE used to make HIS sons and daughter, HE just recycles it into something more beautiful. HIS Son’s shed blood covers all HIS children’s blemishes. You will survive and grow into your FATHER GOD’s beautiful child.