SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT YOU COULD BE AN AMAZING SPIRITUAL GROWTH EXPERIENCE….IF YOU LET IT.
When we are wounded, there is a grieving process that we go through and sometimes it take a while to work through the hurt and confusion. Anger and grief, self-pity and disappointment are all healthy responses to unexpected pain or betrayal. When we are disrespected by a partner, a boundary has been crossed that would need to be corrected to continue with the same closeness that was enjoyed in the relationship before. At the same time in order to try to reconcile with the party, we must try to understand, or take into consideration the possible reason behind the disrespect from the this person and also the reason you have allowed this to wound your soul. Both could be analyzed. Reacting in anger or fit of woundedness can only make matters worse. That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in and allows a “letting go” of the desire to protect ones self or defend or retaliate. All these reactions are from the self life or lower worldly nature….but If we truly are born again, we are told in the word of God,
His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.By these he has given us very great and precious promises,a so that through them you may share in the divine nature, escaping the corruption that is in the world because of evil desire.
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control,a self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitfulb in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. The person who lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins.Therefore, brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election,a because if you do these things you will never stumble.For in this way, entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be richly provided for you.
Interesting that this passage says we have been given everything we need…..but why does the church lack? Let’s consder we are taking the above passage to heart. The change from selfish love starts with one bite at a time…..like you would eat an elephant.
- Faith
- virtue or goodness
- Knowledge
- Self-control
- Endurance
- Godliness
- Brotherly affection
- Love
After we read through these steps leading to Agape, we must take a step back and ask ourselves, “Have I been working to incorporate these basic steps of Christianity into my life, my everyday walk? So my faith is in Jesus and when Christ comes into a person, he begins to clean up their language, their attitudes, their selfishness and even any manipulation or their complaining, or grumbling. So we are working on grumbling right. If you go to the 14 Chapter of Exodus you will find Miriam who grumbled against her younger brother Moses because she had ever right to be a person God would use, but she was left to leading the ladies in the tambourine dance and singing and worshiping…..”He has thrown our enemy into the midst of the sea. I’m courious as to why Miriam thought her job was any less important than Moses’. Ever wonder that? As we ponder upon the possibility of her motives, let’s go back to what happened to her. She was afflicted for days outside the camp with leprosy. Staying out there a week. I’m sure she had some time to think about her conduct. Grumbling and fault finding is something God doesn’t take lightly.
Let’s look at another scenario. Remember Korah? He was a leader too. What happened to him and his bunch? Here is the passage:
Numbers 16:3….” you take too much upon yourself, for all the congregation is holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them. Why then do you exalt yourself above the assembly of the Lord? So when Moses heard it, he fell on his face.” As we consider Moses there with his face to the ground, I’m sure God spoke to him…doesn’t say so, but bible says Moses was the meekest man on earth. When you are meek you are not a soul to be reckoned with because meekness simply means you have realized you are not in charge and you know who is. So he at once, recognized that it wasn’t himself being questioned, but God Himself. You ever questioned God. Why did you make me this way. Why do I not have any more gifting than I do? Why do they not acknowldege that I’m better worship leader than the present one . Why am I not asked to be on the prayer team or the worship team….or why can’t I teach a classs, I know the word better than so and so does? All these questions and frustrations seem to be directed toward the people in charge, but these voices heard in the head can only come from one place: A spirit of grumbling and complaining.
Let’s see what happens to Korah: “So Moses spoke to Korah and all his company, saying, “tomorrow morning the Lord Yahweh will show who is his and who is holy and will cause him to come near to Him
What is lacking in the Body of Christ that is not showing the way to the Christ that loved unconditionally who walked the earth over 2000 years ago as God posing as a human being….being made in the likeness of everything we were, so we too could realize if He overcame then we could too. So why do we not overcome? Love! Agape Love!
If you take a deep look into the times Jesus performed miracles there was always one thing…..mostly that stood out above all others. He had compassion on the crowds that had come to hear the words he was speaking. In Mark when the man who came to Jesus saying “Lord I’ve kept all theses from my youth.” The scriptures says, “Jesus had compassion on him or loved him.” The lepers, Jesus swung his arms around, the prostitutes he allowed to wash his feet, He had had no place to lay his head. He was “numbered with the transgressors.” He was hated by the Pharisees. Why? because they were afraid. He brought something unusual to the table. LOVE! They had never before seen such amazing miracles. …and they were appalled. Why? For one, he healed on the Sabbath…..of which Jesus finally confronted them and told them that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.
It is the love of God we are told that “constrains” us. What does that really mean?
Constraint: a limitation or restriction. So are there restrictions to a believer’s responses and actions? Should we learn disciplines, fastings, prayers, offerings, living our lives daily, one moment at a time for others or for ourselves? Are we sure we are wanting to live for Christ or for ourselves? It is a bit obvious that the reason more people do not receiving healings when we pray is that there is possibly a greiving of the Holy spirit in the lives of the believers that are praying or the one being prayed for. If there is no discernment, and it comes by being attentive in one’s life to the Holy Spirit in all aspects of our lives…..the person does not receive healing. There can be any number of reasons a person is not healed. But one thing is for sure. In Mark 16 It states: “These signs shall follow the that believe, they shall speak with new tongues, they shall cast out devils, they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover.
What is this love then that will enable us to be healed? Where is the compassion, this walk of the Holiness of God in a believers’ life? We are called to LOVE…..AGAPE ….one another. This is not hard once you understand you can’t love in this kind of love unless there is a letting go of the old ideas and ways you walked in before. Retaliation, revenge, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, self-pity, manipulation, selfishness. Allthese things must be brought under the authority of the precious Love of God. How you ask? By asking! the Word says, “Ask and you shall receive.” Do we ask to give us love for another. Do we ask for Him to come and give us patience for another person who is driving us bonkers?
We are called to AGAPE! So what keeps you from calling upon the Master or Holy Spirit who resides deep within you in our times of need? Need? Yes, when we need the strength to love even though we don’t want to. You ever want to just give it back to them like they dished it out? Why? Cause you were wounded. Woundedness of the soul is only there because you have not learned yet to resist the “feeling” that came your way. It is just a thought.
Taking thoughts captive is something that we are also called on to do “For though we walk in the flesh we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”
So my dear brothers and sisters. Are we looking at things according to the outward appearance? The word of God says, I do not judge according to the “hearing of the ear” nor the “seeing of the eye’…….but I judge righteously.” What is judging righteously
When Joshus was faced with leading the children of Israel. He found himself standing in front of an angel with a drawn sword. He found himself concerned, trembled and asked. “are you for us or for our adversary. The angel responded, “NO!” But I am for the Lord of Hosts.” What a wonderful response for us to recall in the word of God and how it reminds us to judge not according to the hearing of the ear or the seeing eye. Why would we need to do this? We are of this world and it is the same everywhere. If you look at a 2 years old and you see this 2 year old grow up without any discipline, he willd rule the household and the situation can normally become unbearable. An undiciplined child, the bible says is a disappointment to his mother. and father. Why? We need pain to grow and flourish. Pain inflicted when we find ourselves in the wrong is a great teacher. If they do not learn it at home, it is for sure the world will education them. It is unfortunate however, that the world has to train us when we could be trained in our own surroundings as we grow. That is exactly what God is trying to do for us when pain occurs.
Unforgiveness, bitterness (simply delayed unforgiveness grown into a hardened heart) anger, retaliation, ungratefulness, jealousy, grumbling, fault-finding, judging. The list of these things is endless and it is what has destroyed the organized church. The Body needs to learn to Love, but HOW?
Jesus said, “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies it abides alone but if it dies it produces much fruit.” What was he speaking of there. Him laying down His life, maybe, but let’s take this further. What is this saying. A grain of wheat falls in the ground, it soaks up the water and nutritients from the ground and produces a bud then a stalk then grain. Are we wanting fruit in the body or destruction?
Most of those who have been wounded by the people inside the church building have discovered it was safer to stay away than go. Many have becmoe disgruntled and wounded by the displayed narcissism and overbearing leadership, the way we flaunt our gifts, the lack of humility and they desire to control the congregation having a bit over controlled church service.
In the new testament the people would come prepared to share a song, a word God had given, a prophetic word, a poem, etc. In the church today the only thing sometimes we remember is the dandruff on the back of the head of the guy in front of our chair. That’s sad!
The Body is much different when I left years ago. I was wounded and disgruntled as I felt we were not teaching the word of God but skipped over passages that would set the people free. The word is what breaks the yoke. We do not teach the whole counsel of God, but skip around, tell stories, make jokes, read a few scriptures…..and then say something from our own mind. God is not impressed. He gave us the word of God to bring life and joy and rejoicing to the heart.
Just a few days ago I had not had a lot of time beforehand to study any length of time. I began to search out the word faith. Come to find out most of the words in the old and new testaments were really written as the word trust, not faith, but that is how it was translated. 155 times it was translated wrongly. No wonder we are in a place of ignorance. The word has not changed only translated so that we cannot get the complete and full meaning of certain words that would change our lives to believe in the only begotton Son of God. Where by we might be born again, changed into His image and as 1 Peter says, receiving the end of our faith, the salvation of our souls.
We’ve been caught in a lie
“Forgiveness is allowing negative feelings of outrage and grief to come in, and then letting them go because you’re now at peace with your life.” Forgiveness is a look at another person as an extension of your own weaknesses and know that lest you receive the grace of God, you too can wound another and so to have grace and forgiveness for another can be a very divine experience. If we call on the love of God and ask for complete release of the other person in the spiritual realm. Not only are you released, but then you make room for them to find a reason to be released as well.
I am reminded regarding the Love of God, is poured out in our heart toward one another through the Holy Spirit that abides within.
Ask yourself whether your anger is constructive or destructive.
Constructive anger solves a problem in the moment by galvanizing you so that you respond appropriately to a threat, Luskin says. Destructive anger is repetitive and has no positive result. “The person you’re angry at isn’t changing, and you’re not growing. In fact, you’re creating brain pathways that make the anger more likely.” When anger becomes a habit rather than a way of processing, or when you hold on to it for a really long time, he says, “it turns out to be destructive both to your physical well-being and to the people around you. No good comes of it—it’s a misuse of one of our biological coping mechanisms.”
Don’t worry—you aren’t saying the offense was OK.
One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness, Luskin says, is that it means you’re condoning the offender’s behavior. “In fact, forgiveness means that you don’t condone it. You know it’s wrong or inappropriate, but you choose to cleanse your heart. You don’t make excuses for the behavior. You just accept it and make peace. That’s very different.”
Practice stress-reduction techniques.
If you’re at the table and a family member says something hurtful, Luskin says one of the simplest things you can do is to take a couple of breaths. Stress-management techniques soothe your body’s fight-or-flight response so you stay calm and keep your head.
Remind yourself why you want this person in your life.
When someone you care about acts in a way that is hurtful to you but you want to keep the relationship, it’s important to remember the good the person has done for your life, Luskin says. “People are not replaceable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have one father, one mother, one best friend.” Luskin adds that this doesn’t mean people should stick around for mistreatment or stay in a bad or unhealthy relationship. It does mean that successful relationships are hard to cultivate and maintain if you’re holding grudges, keeping score, or thinking about ways to make someone pay for something he or she did.
“Just about every relationship that you’ve ever been in requires some forgiveness to maintain itself,” he says. “Everyone is flawed, and our perceptions are too. So getting hurt is inevitable. We have to have a mechanism for letting it go and making peace, in order to have happy sustainable relationships.”
Set boundaries.
When you’ve been hurt by someone you have a relationship with, some gentle boundary setting may be in order. But Luskin says that doesn’t mean calling people out, blaming them or disowning them. “Learn how to simply say, ‘What you just did is not OK.’”
Recognize that you’re telling a story that can be changed.
Our brains are designed to keep us safe from danger, We can tell ourselves a lot of stories that aren’t really true. “We simplify to accentuate the threat. We create these distortions in our head to keep us safe.” So decide to change your story. Find a way to see it through someone else’s eyes. Seek to understand.
So if you’ve been telling yourself a story that five years ago, your friend didn’t invite you to her wedding, and it was a terrible offense that you’re still smarting over, consider that perhaps the two of you were in a rough patch, and she may have made a mistake, but she did the best she could.
Make yourself the hero.
Luskin says that attributing your present distress to something that happened in the past is a way of making yourself a victim. He offers this example: “If I say, ‘The reason I’m unhappy now is that my wife left me three years ago,’ that’s creating victimhood.” A more truthful statement, he says, would be something like, ‘The reason I’m unhappy now is that my wife left me; I didn’t have adequate resources for dealing with it, and in the years since I haven’t figured out how to make peace with that.’
“When you tell yourself, ‘The only one who is going to rescue me is me,’ that creates a kind of heroic efficacy that says, ‘I have to solve this problem. I have to figure out how to be OK and be happy in a life that includes the painful end of a marriage,’” he says. When you can do that, you gain a sense of your own resilience. “When one is able to forgive, it leads to a little more efficacy in handling one’s life. Instead of being limited or afraid, you get a sense of, ‘I know I can cope with difficulty.’ That’s probably the biggest personal benefit.”