What is the SECRET TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP?
Communication is key to a good relationship, might I add kind and considerate communication.
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars was a best-selling book. His premise was that men and women have different emotional requirements and that a misunderstanding of the differences leads to the breakdown of relationships.
This evening I needed to stop by and pick up some of my things from my neighbor. They are sweet people and we have enjoyed a very candid relationship together the three of us. Well, tonight was no different. I stuffed my pockets full of new essential oils for her to try as she is working on a health issue COPD. I was hoping some of them might ease her struggles. He had helped me out at an auction he attended. We are growing to appreciate one another.
As we were discussing something ….we heard a “burp” the wife said “excuse me” her other half piped in. “Why do you act like you have manners around her when here just around me, you burp without giving it a second thought as well as pass gas.” I was appalled as his rude and humiliating comment to her. She had confided in me how he hurt her feelings all the time, so I decided I would have a bit of fun and play with the light hearted burp and farting issues, since we seem to always speak our minds around one another,
I pipped up, “Do you need an ass whuppin?” He looked at me shocked, and smiled. This is his favorite comment when I’ve been out of pocket for a while. He is just making sure I’m on the straight and narrow. He looked at me and said, “Well, its true, she doesn’t give it a thought to say excuse me while we are by ourselves>” I pipped back, “That may be true, but when there is another person who is not a part of your burping and farting home grown manners, it’s a whole different ball game. There is no way that what you just said can make her feel anything except like you don’t care about her feelings or who she really is. Do you have any idea how comments like that just destroy her self esteem, bring her down and make her feel like a “less than” human being? She quipped, “Yeah, when he says stuff like that, it hurts my feelings.” Do you realize that? I repeated? “Well, he said, “I can see that no matter what I do around here I’m gonna be outnumbered in this situation. I retorted, “And well so,” because in reality, what you said was demeaning and any woman would feel the same way. She isn’t one of the guys, you know. If you think of and treat her as such, you will lose her, you have already lost her once. And she has come back. You really don’t want to remove that affection from her heart. That’s part of what allows her emotions, or her inner workings to respond to you in the bedroom, “I now had his attention.” Familiarity can breed contempt.
Somehow we ended up in the kitchen and the conversation continued. We exchanged what was needed, money for supplements I had sold him a few weeks earlier.
“You know my friend, I began, A woman has a whole set of different reasons to respond in the bedroom than a man ….if you don’t “prime” her outside the bedroom, you won’t get what you want inside the bedroom. She pipped up, “you know what he did earlier? He walks by and grabs my boob ….hard and then walks off……that’s suppose to let me know he wants something?”
Guys, guys, this is a “RELATIONSHIP.” This is not a you meet my need and I’ll let you go with me the car show.” So, you do what I want, and I’ll let you hang around me. She isn’t a vehicle, a mower or a robot.”
So the age old issue of man trying to understand what a women’s needs are and a woman understanding, how a man thinks and what he needs to keep him going, was right in my face that evening.
I came home and decided I knew little about how to help a couple solve their relationship issues. I decided I needed to study narcissistic behavior a bit more and realized that more often than not, a woman over 60 has issues because it is very uncomfortable to have sex.
Here is a few suggestions for the female who feels her hubby has become less than affectionate:
- Stop Complaining; Find something to discuss besides a complaint of what is is or is not doing and just accept him as is.
- Find a good aphrodisiac. Too, if you are over 55 you might find sexual intercourse a bit painful if your hormones are out of balance. There are many effect herbal remedies that will very often, alleviate the issue with dryness. Wild Yam, Damiana, black Cohosh, Also, vitamins such as D, A and E and DHEA are very useful in helping with dryness.
- Find something to read that interests him and talk about what you read. It will make him want to spend more time with you if you have something to say that is of interest to him. It isn’t all about you.
- Be the fun-loving giddy joyful gal you were when you married. Find something to laugh about and when you have just cleaned and he messes it all up, laugh about it and rejoice that you have the chance to clean up a space that he has occupied. If he wasn’t there, guess what? You would miss him, no?
- Be thankful for all things and find something outside of TV and your soap operas to watch that is educational and interesting to him as well.